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[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]While he was in me, it wasn’t about how good - or not - he fucked me; it was all about him being inside me and how I was feeling and, yeah, even thinking. It’s not about him telling me how good it feels to him to be balls-deep in my ass although that’s always nice to know - it’s about feeling that slick hardness in my hole and waiting for the moment when he coats my inside with his seed.

Will there be a next time with him? Doesn’t matter so much. Do I get to do to him what he just did to me? Maybe and maybe not but if that’s what he wants, I wouldn’t want to cheat or deprive him from whatever he goes through when there’s a hard dick spreading his hole open.

Maybe he feels what I felt, is thinking what I thought as he fucked my asshole? I don’t know and now that I’m fucking him, that’s not my focus... but my body remembers what he felt like inside of me.

Wonderful. Bitchy/girly. Dirty and nasty. Satisfied yet still with that strange feeling of emptiness and, yes, even when I wanted him to hurry the hell up and finish inside me.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Sometimes, I want him in and out of me as fast as he can manage - I just get like that at times but the reality is that you don’t have to fuck me for a long time for me to enjoy it and once I reach that point, you should cum in me, pull out, and we can go on from there, please and thank you very much.

Then he cums; it’s glorious, horribly nasty-feeling given where he’s shootings his load; it’s either a sad moment or one I’m very grateful for - again, it depends on some shit I can’t explain but, yeah, this part of being fucked has always been the best part for me because it feels bad and good.

But then he pulls out and I feel so empty and sometimes that empty feeling bothers me and sometimes, hallelujah - he’s finally done! Took him long enough, damn! I’ve been fucked and creamed and no matter what I’m thinking - good, bad, or indifferently - it can’t ever be undone; I wanted it, got it, time for the next thing and if there’s gonna be a next thing.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I can feel his body heat, scorching hot even though it really isn’t; when he goes as deep as he can go and just holds it there, I can feel his racing heartbeat being transmitted into my body and somehow in sync with my own racing heartbeat.

Maybe he’s talking or just making fuck-noises; I hear it, not paying attention to it (unless he calls me a bitch - that’ll get my attention and not in a good way) - but I am very aware of his cock in my ass and what it all means.

At some point, he’s gonna flood my ass with sperm - he’s gonna inseminate me just as a woman would be... and it’s exciting and unnerving all at the same time and I want him to do just that. I don’t like being called a bitch... but I like feeling like one in anticipation of the moment of his release.

Maybe I want and need him to hurry up with that, maybe not - depends on some shit I can’t really explain... but will I feel his dick tremble then swell, getting longer and thicker... or will I just hear him cuss or something as he tells me he’s cumming... and I don’t feel it happening? Does it matter to me?

Yeah, it does.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I don’t know about you guys but there’s some “crazy shit” going on in my mind at that moment. There’s the “He’s gonna fuck me!” moment, the “Oh, shit - what was I thinking about?” moment as he begins to slide in, spreading my hole open and, yeah, it’s a ‘discomfort’ you learn to ignore by you're always aware of it.

I tell myself - and unnecessarily so - to relax, just breathe and before you know it, he’ll get inside and once he does, it’s time to enjoy it but, eh, don’t get annoyed if he’s having some trouble getting it in... and trouble that’s not really my fault.

He signs (or grunts) and I do, too, as he gets past my body’s attempts to evict him and he starts fucking me... and all kinds of things are going through my mind like how long is it gonna take him to cum in me? Will I feel it and even feel it the way I might want it to feel?

Will he take it easy or give my poor stretched-out hole a beating? How does he feel inside of me? There’s a lot of stuff with no words about this part; it feels good and not so much; maybe he’s hitting my prostate and it’s wonderful... or not so much.

Whether or not his cock is huge or not, I feel full; we’re connected, two people as physically close to each other as humanly possible and that’s some heady shit to think about while his cock is sliding in and out of me.

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[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]There was always that moment of excitement know that you and some guy were about to do it and there aren’t many words to describe that excitement, from feeling nervous to being a little scared, to just feeling the anticipation.

You go down on each other and whether this is terribly exciting depends on how much you like sucking dick and being sucked; for me, that’s always been the best part and is worth any hassles that might present themselves but then there’s that moment when you’re face down/ass up, your hole is all slick and slippery...

And you feel his dick pressing against you and starting to go in.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I wanted and knew to take it easy... but he wasn't hearing any of that.

"Just do it," he said - then pushed back against me, making both of us gasp.

I asked him if he was okay and he laughed and said, "You're right - it hurts like a motherfucker... but I can handle it so, please, fuck me and cum in my ass."

And I did. And I loved it just as much as he did. Still, we were both "worried" about what his mom would say if she found out we were having sex and, um, she did find out... and she was madder than a wet hen... but not for the reason you might be thinking.

Nope - she got mad because she heard it from him but not from me. I had thought that this was going to be one of those relationship ending things but it wasn't and as she said, "I don't care if you're fucking him - he's an adult and can make his own decisions about such things... but you should have told me instead of me hearing it from him!"

He and I talked about this and he admitted that, yeah, he told her although he never did say how the matter came up in the first place. He was surprised that the only reason she got pissed off was that I didn't tell her and, yeah, I should have... but it didn't change anything between us and, if nothing else, it had us having even more sex, well, until he found a girl that he fell in love with and it all came to a screeching halt.

But I went into this knowing it would eventually end; I was just surprised that the end took a few years to arrive. I didn't love him in that sense but I cared for him; after all, I was raising him like he was one of my own children but, no, I didn't have any qualms whatsoever about sucking him off and then fucking him.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]My girlfriend's son wanted to learn the ways of dick and, nope, I didn't hesitate to, first, talk him out of it and then teach him. And, no, I didn't feel bad about it at all. I gave him his first male blow job and told him that if he wanted more, he had to be a man and ask for it and not just assume I'd do it because he wanted it.

But he couldn't bring himself to suck my dick; I understood that and I wasn't disappointed even though he did give it a try. However, he felt that since he couldn't suck me, it was only fair that I fuck him... and while I couldn't really argue his logic, eh, I wasn't really feeling that but, okay - for him, I can make an exception. He did fuck me once - and I loved it... but him? Not so much; disappointing but again I understood and accepted it. I'd suck him off, he'd turn over and, at first, I'd just frot him until I came and he was fine with that until, one day, he asked me why I hadn't really put my dick in him... and I couldn't answer him. I did tell him about the pain and all that and he said that he understood it... but if I was supposed to fuck him and in lieu of him not being able to suck me, then getting my dick in his ass for real had to be done.

I vividly remember that night when he came to me and, as our inside joke, asked me to hook him up but, this time, he added, "I want your dick in my ass this time." I sucked him until he flooded my mouth with his usual huge load of spunk and he automatically turned over and I thought, "Oh, shit..." - but applied the lube I had at the ready, making sure I fingered his hole long enough, then proceeded to slide my dick into his virgin ass.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]But it was what it was and while I didn't really like this behavior in myself, it made him happy and, importantly, made him more willing to shove his cock into my ass and give me a good fucking... but it also paved the way for him to jump me and suck my dick and any time he could. While we had many moments when we "made love," there were more moments where I'd be in the kitchen doing something... and the next thing I knew, he'd have me in his mouth and, man, did that annoy the shit out me!

But I had to understand why he was doing it and eventually I did understand it and just embraced having my dick sucked two or three (or more) times a day and damned near every day. My wife, who knew about all of this, thought the whole thing was cute and funny which kinda pissed me off - who's side was she really on? She said, one day, "That's what you get for being good at what you do, huh?"

I suppose so. He loved me so much that he even ate my wife's pussy when it was offered to him - turned out he was pretty good at it according to her. We talked about that and when I asked him why he agreed to do something that gay men don't do, he said, "I needed to understand this part of you; I love you and that means I accept everything about you and, um, I like the way your cock tastes after you fuck her so it just made sense to me to go ahead and taste that pussy myself."

Mind-blowing and if I hadn't had everything about this put into perspective before, my love and relationship with him did just that. I now understood it way better than I ever did and from many points of view. It broke my heart when he had to leave but I've never forgotten the things he taught me and because he loved me. Going forward, it was difficult not to compare other guys to the guy I loved so much but I had to see the error in this thinking and that, absent those feelings, the need to have a dick was still one not to be ignored or set aside.

You don't have to love the guy - you just gotta want to have sex with him. That moment in my life banished that "no reciprocation" thing I was having fun with; now, if you didn't suck dick, I didn't want anything to do with you and that remains true today. It's not about feelings or the lack thereof: It's about the act itself and invoking a "rule" from my early seven year period: If I suck your dick, you suck mine and it's non-negotiable.

The big difference in those periods was that, in the early one, it was just a matter of course but in this "new" one, it was a matter of preference; why should the other guy have all the fun of getting blown and I don't get to have the same kind of fun? Once I invoked this "rule," my feelings of being used by other men just went away; if you were gonna use me to bust a nut, I am as sure as hell gonna use you for the same reason.

Don't suck dick? See ya later and, sure, I kinda hated doing things like that but you gotta take a stance on some things in this - and this is the stance I took. It made me miss out of a lot of the dick I wanted to suck but it just wasn't a preference - it was a matter of principle. Sure, there were times I wanted and needed to be fucked (and despite being reluctant in this) but if you weren't going to blow me, we ain't doing a damned thing and no matter how badly we both wanted to do it.

I will happily and gladly suck your cock... but be ready to return the favor. But even in this, I made an exception...[/SIZE][/FONT]