whats the best way to come out to your wife?

[jj671]

hi all! i really want to tell my wife of over 16 years that i am bi but am very scared and dont know how to go about it. i just opened myself up to my true feelings and want to let her in on it... any thoughts or comments??

[jj671]

sorry, or husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc.
tell me your story! anything would help.

[lizard-lix]

I told my wife, after she said yes, after the wedding was planned, but before the day. Lord was I scared shitless... But I felt it was only fair.

She just said OK.. We had agreed to monogamy, so it made no difference to her.

As everyone is likely tired of hearing by now, after 32 years, I wanted to change that and we have been working on it. She asked me at one point if I was still bi and I said yes and she has been getting more and more OK with it, even starting to make comments to me (hotness of actors, etc), and in discussions where we talked about potentially playing with others, a male playmate for me has come up.

We are still working on it and moving forward..

So tell her, gently, talk about, be open, loving and communicative.

At least that is my way.. and it has worked so far..

Good luck!

[falcondfw]

Hmmm. Jump out of a giant cake wearing a thong and shout "SURPRISE!". Sorry. I had to.

Seriously, you know your wife far better than any of us. After 16 years, you should be able to read how she will react to things. Does she make anti-gay/bi statements? Does she make comments like "Oh I could never deal with THAT."?

Maybe you should try something like what-if scenarios. Something like "Honey, how would you react if you find out a favorite nephew of your was gay or bi?"

Hope this helps.

[Flounder1967]

Get your SO drunk, and horny, Then while have sex talk about it. It might work. Dought it though.

[jj671]

thanks for the responses so far friends. she is very open to the idea of having another guy or girl, or couple in a threesome/fousome wth us and when i ask guy or girl she always says "whatever you want is good with me". so i think she kinda knows already. why else would i say a guy too.

[falcondfw]

Well, it sounds like she's at least open to things, but I think you should maybe play the what if scenarios and then make sure you tell her before any 3-somes happen. The look of shock on her face might not be a pleasant thing if you go down on a guy without preparing her.

[Jobelorocks]

I would just be open and honest about it if I were you, but only you know the whole situation. I have found the more honest I am with my husband, the better it has made my life. I am so close to him and have no fear in telling him anything.

I told my husband by starting out talking about the sexual experiences I have had and then what I want to do in the future. I then told him that I have always been attracted to both and want to do things with both genders. He was totally cool with that. But then again most men are into the girl on girl thing... but he lets me sleep with other men as well.

[bi42guy1958]

Heres my :2cents:

Ive been married 5 times, made lots of mistakes along the way, so Id appreciate keeping comments about that to yourself, TY very much to all that do!:)

The first one didnt know at all. They all knew before we got married but later figured out they couldnt change that in me.

The fourth wife, I told from the get go, maybe 3rd date becuase I didnt want this to end up like the others. She was perfectly fine with it, but became a problem a couple of months into the marriage.

So now, the 5th, still to this day does not know. But I have decided that marriage is not in my future, so now I could care less.

[bityme]

hi all! i really want to tell my wife of over 16 years that i am bi but am very scared and dont know how to go about it. i just opened myself up to my true feelings and want to let her in on it... any thoughts or comments??

Since you just opened yourself to your true feelings, your post infers that you haven't acted on those feelings yet. If that is the case, it makes it a lot easier, especially if she is open to the idea of a threesome.

You might try telling her that you have had these feelings and don't want to do anything to jeopardize your marriage. That way you are being honest with her and putting everything out front ahead of time.

If she is OK with things, I would suggest that the best way to start is having her involved with the selection and play with another guy. Share him and make sure her needs are attended to and she is fully satisfied.

Having been married twice to wonderful bi women, I can tell you that sharing your times with an additional partner is far better than hiding things and going through the guilt.

Pappy

[EastCoastKelly]

Here is what I wish my husband said to me:

"Honey, I am going to tell you something about myself that is incredibly difficult for me to talk about... :( I am bisexual.

I have been afraid to tell you because I've never told anyone because I've been ashamed! I've been keeping it a secret and I've been hating myself for it. You don't deserve to be lied to but I feel like I can't keep deceiving you.

I love you so much, I want to be with you and I hope you can accept this and want to be with me too. The fact that I'm bisexual has no effect on what I feel for you but its there and I've been thinking about men a lot recently..."

Then be prepared for lots of questions and answer each one honestly NO MATTER HOW DIFFICULT the question!

For example:
Did you cheat on me? (IF YES, tell her ******NOW***** don't pussyfoot around because she can't handle it.)
Do you find women attractive sexually?
If you want men then you are gay, right?
How do I know you aren't lying to yourself and your really gay?
Do you find me attractive?
Do you have a boyfriend?
Do you want a boyfriend?
Did you ever have a boyfriend?
When did you last have sex with a man?
Do you want to be with a man now? (IF YES, tell her but be willing to say that you WANT to but won't until and if she is ready for that)

[jackbirdjay]

Before I got married in 1990 I told her I was bisexual. I just came out one night told her I was bi. We talked for a long time about it. I didn't tell her how many guys I been with with. She uses toys on me but I want the real thing a 3 way. It's been years since i last had oral.

[notquitewt]

I told mine I wondered what a real one would feel like after we did a strap on session. That was my ice breaker :)

Still waiting for that real one tho :bigrin:

[taz321]

Me and my wife of 15 years knew eachother for about 20 years before we got married and she knew nothing of my bi interests. After 8 years of marriage I finally decided to tell her I was bi. After having drinks one night I suggested we get online and just chat with some people. We got into a chat room that just happened to be a sex chat room and when a guy asked us if I was bi I kind of hesitated and looked at my wife and told her that I had given oral sex to a guy before we were married and that I really enjoyed it! She was surprised but also said she thought it would be hot to see me with a guy. We set up a threesome with a guy and she really liked watching me give oral to a guy. After that we had a few threesomes with him again and some thresomes with another girl, which was equally hot. We are no longer together but it had nothing to do with our sexual playtime! I am now with another great girl and after our first few dates I decided to tell her about my bi sexuality and she is ok with it because she says a guy has a cock and that is some thing I can't give you. We have had a foursome and she really enjoyed watching me with the guy just as much as I enjoyed watching her with his wife. Just be open about who you are and hopefully she will either be ok with it or at least be willing to talk about it. Good luck and I hope you get everything you are looking for! It might help to have some drinks first if you enjoy having some coctails!!

[r1648513]

At 38 I accepted for myself that I was bi. I wanted to tell her but couldn't as we had communication problems that made this more difficult. We worked on the problems and still struggled to find the opening to tell her. One night I got her to go on a website with me, mojoupgrade.com, which allows you to pick your interests and she picks hers and you see where the match is, this indirectly created the opening for me to tell her and I am happy I did. She did not get upset, was very surprised and after time and more conversations understands and accepts this and we are now discussing a MMF threesome that will allow me to explore this side of myself.

Good luck.

[HzyJD]

I'm totally with EastCoastKelly,
My hubby is bi and so am I. I was pretty paranoid at first but I'm slowly getting more into it. She needs to know.
Be prepared for LOTS of questions and maybe some insecurity thrown in as well. Hopefully she will realise how much you really love her and want to be with her for the rest of your lives (as long as you let her know).
Good luck!

[matutum]

thanks for the responses so far friends. she is very open to the idea of having another guy or girl, or couple in a threesome/fousome wth us and when i ask guy or girl she always says "whatever you want is good with me". so i think she kinda knows already. why else would i say a guy too.

if u guys r with another couple and she sees suck a man i think she will know, same if she is doing it with a woman u will know also

[jj671]

update!!! update!!! update!!!

ok everyone this is my post i finaly came out to my wife!!!!!

she was so undertanding!! she thinks its great and is looking foreward to learning more right along side me!!! she knows that this is all new to me and that it will take time for me to try different things and figure out my likes and dislikes. and get this!, she is now looking foreward to our first threesome!!! i am so excited and it just goes to show you what an amazing woman she is!!! i am truly a lucky man!!!
thank all of you for your words of encouragment and support!!! everyone on this site has been just awsome!!!!!

thank you all!!!!!

[want2havefun]

You are very fortunate.
For others considering this question, in spite of all the 'go ahead do it, its great' advice from those who are happy to have done so, just remember that sometimes the result of such revelations can be quite negative and even result in divorce etc.

The reason I bring this up is that too often people urge others to do or not do things when they really dont walk in the exact same shoes. ;)
The dynamics of their relationship, attitudes, or personalities, may be quite different etc etc
Its real easy for a person whose partner is understanding and has accepted and even participates in a new exciting sexual side of things to be in favor of such revelations, but not nearly so much so when ones family unit has been destroyed/driven apart because they revealed something about themselves.
In those cases sometimes silence MAY be golden. Each person must decide that for themselves.

Its great that it worked out for you. :)

[bradlyjhill]

IM Bisexaul and proud of it :male: :female:

[bi42guy1958]

Tread lightly my friend! Ive told several of my partners, both married and just seriously dating, and guess what? They were OK with it at first, or so they said but as it turned out thet weren't.

[virginia123]

I told mine I had bi desires during supervised couples therapy sessions. She didn't like it then and doesn't like it now. She "believes" in traditional marriage and that she should be enough for me. Oh well, she just doesn't realize that she doesn't have a cock and that I just want to play with one. So the only alternatives I see are to keep doing the same thing, (unacceptable), cheat, move out when caught and then deal with the fallout. Wish it could be something else! Life is to short to waste time wanting and not doing! Its obvious from the posts on here that there are women out there who accept bi men. That's what I will be looking for after the divorce.

So good luck to you when you come out to your wife. Hope you have better results.

[ckman314]

My wife found gay porn on the computer she questioned me on it I came out and all she had too say was "I always knew" lol she has been awesome about it hopefully we can get some mmf action in the bedroom one day

[llllllllll]

I told my fiance about 6 months before we got married.She handled it quite well and even expressed an interest in helping me explore.Well 3 months after we wed,I brought the subject up again.and lo and behold,she claims we never had a conversation about me being bi.That was the beginning of the end and now the divorce is nearly final...Cheers

[ckman314]

I told my fiance about 6 months before we got married.She handled it quite well and even expressed an interest in helping me explore.Well 3 months after we wed,I brought the subject up again.and lo and behold,she claims we never had a conversation about me being bi.That was the beginning of the end and now the divorce is nearly final...Cheers

OH SHIT!!!!


She take anything from ya or out you to people

[llllllllll]

i dunno yet,i'm 1600 miles from there...i'll see around thanksgiving how much i lost

[BiDaveDtown]

Just tell her that you're bisexual.

I'm married to her now but I told my wife or future wife that I'm bisexual when we were dating and getting to know each other.