Pride with my partner

[therevq]

The local pride is coming up soon and I'm determined to go this year, the last few years always had unavoidable work commitments. My girlfriend wants to go with, make sure I don't do anything untoward.

I have objections to that on a few counts. Firstly, she hates crowds, can't stand them, so if she is there, I'm going to have to be by her side the whole time, calming her down and reassuring her. While I would happily do anything for her, I see this as a problem that could be avoided. Secondly, if I'm there with her, the assumption would probably be that I'm straight. I want my actual sexuality a little more out there. Thirdly, it's my first one that I'll be able to go to, I want to experience it fully, not sidelined as the straight guy who just came along.

Am I being fair with this or just a selfish bastard by wanting to do it alone?

[fredtyg]

I agree with you but have no idea how to convince the GF not to go other than tell her it won't be something she'd enjoy for the reasons you've listed. It might help to tell her you won't enjoy it as much if she goes and you have to tend to her, but that would likely make things worse.

[therevq]

If I do tell her, it'll be with complete honesty. She's my girlfriend, she deserves nothing less. Would say that it's just something I feel that I have to do alone and offer to take her on a romantic dinner the following night.

[meteast chick]

Yes, you truly have to come clean with the gf. Just stress how much you want to go and as gently as you can without offending her, what could be the pitfalls of her joining. I've been to several Prides and yes they are increasingly social events. If she's not one who likes crowds, that will be an issue for her and she should stay clear. Believe me, at those events, it makes no difference if you have a woman attached to you or not; if someone finds you attractive enough, they don't care. I find myself fending off several women's advances each year, both to myself and to my wife.

[Long Duck Dong]

bear with me, I have had a couple under my belt...lol

dude, why do you want to go ?? cos you are bisexual and proud of it ?? cos you are supporting your community ?? or cos you wanna get laid ???

if she has trouble with crowds, there may be a underlying reason and you could really show your support and love for your partner, by being her partner and based around what you are posting, she appears to have a reason to be concerned about YOUR behievour, not so much the crowds.....

if you DO tell her ?? you mean that you haven't ?? this is part of the reason why people have issues with bisexuals, the idea that bisexuals can not be honest and open with their partners... and yes I know its hard to come out and be honest with a person but what would you rather do, risk and lose a relationship cos you were honest about yourself and honest with your partner... or cos you stuffed up somewhere and she found out the truth and saw you as a person that betrayed her trust in you......


so I will ask again, is this really about you being at the pride parade, or is there more to the reason that you are going, than just supporting the bisexual community ?

[tenni]

If I understand you correctly, your g/f knows that you want to go to the Pride event.

Your g/f wants to go with you because she does not trust you at such an event?

Why does she not trust you may be a question to discuss with her. She may think that by going with you that she is showing her support. Tell her this year you want to go alone but next year make sure that you take her with you. I suspect that a nice dinner the next night is not going to work for you unless she understands better why you want to go alone.

Based on what you wrote, I'm not sure why you want to go by yourself. There are more reasons beyond her discomfort in crowds. I might want to go by myself if I was in your position. This is about you and who you are is what I get from your post. This is not about having sex with someone at a Pride event....or is it? (I get that possibility but hope that I'm wrong).

By going by yourself do you believe that you will have more opportunity to explore or talk about your sexuality with others who are like you? What do you wish to happen?

Talk to your g/f about your real reasons for wanting to go alone but first figure out why clearer for yourself as I don't know if you have figured that out. Reassure her that you do not want to go on your own to get laid but to discuss with others who are...bisexual if that is a reason.

If she insists on going even after you have it clear in your head why you want to go alone and have explained it to her, I'd re examine your relationship with her. She may have "possessive" issues.

[therevq]

It's not a trust thing, when I said nothing untoward, I was referring simply to having a few beers. Her family has a history of alcoholism and she tries to limit my intake, out of concern. It's not a thing of cheating, she knows me well enough to know that I would never do that.

@LDD - When I said "if I do tell her", I meant simply if I decide to go alone and ask her not to go. I might just suck it up and have both of us go together. She knows I'm bi, it's not like I'm hiding that from her.

As for why I want to go, it's because I'm bi and proud. I'm not looking for easy action

[fredtyg]

Since you seem to do a lot together, maybe you should explore the idea of each of you having "My" events- just things that you or she might do away from each other? Not sure how you could bring that subject up, though.

[tenni]

It's not a trust thing, when I said nothing untoward, I was referring simply to having a few beers. Her family has a history of alcoholism and she tries to limit my intake, out of concern. It's not a thing of cheating, she knows me well enough to know that I would never do that.

As for why I want to go, it's because I'm bi and proud. I'm not looking for easy action

I agree with fred that you need "my event" times.

Do you think that you need her to monitor your booze intake because you can not? Her family's history is not your personal history. Unless you have a problem monitoring your alcohol intake I think that it seems important to establish your own boundaries in this relationship. You are proud to be bi but want this as a "me" event and you should have such opportunities as should she.

[Long Duck Dong]

It's not a trust thing, when I said nothing untoward, I was referring simply to having a few beers. Her family has a history of alcoholism and she tries to limit my intake, out of concern. It's not a thing of cheating, she knows me well enough to know that I would never do that.

@LDD - When I said "if I do tell her", I meant simply if I decide to go alone and ask her not to go. I might just suck it up and have both of us go together. She knows I'm bi, it's not like I'm hiding that from her.

As for why I want to go, it's because I'm bi and proud. I'm not looking for easy action

I am glad that you shared a few things as it clears up a few things and gives a bit of a clearer picture about your relationship and your partner....

having grown up in a alcoholic family, I can understand her concerns..... part of the *deal * with breaking the cycle of alcoholism, is to avoiding being around heavy drinkers..... but in her case, it sounds like she is carrying some personal issues that she may need to come to terms with..... as drinking is not always what causes the issues, its the way people act when they drink, that can become the issue.......and the way she is acting and expressing herself, tells me that its not the drinking that actually the issue, its her ability to cope with and deal with things.... she may need to see a counsellor / therapist, not cos she is a mixed up person, but to help her find ways of dealing and coping with things better so that you can get the room to breath in your relationship.......

[therevq]

Thanks for the advice, everyone, much appreciated :)