we_are_new_to_this
Jun 30, 2014, 6:12 PM
Where to begin (I wonder how many threads have started this way on here)?
I guess I'll start with the background of our romantic little story. This is going to be long by the way. Very long.
I've known my wife since she was in the 7th grade and I in the 8th. I can still remember the first time we talked on the dark bus ride to the middle school. She was, and still is, the quiet type. She would get onto the school bus every morning and slide as close to the window as possible and she'd put her bookbag in the seat next to her so that no one could sit beside her. For the rest of the ride she would stare out of the window with her headphones on. It was as if she didn't want to be noticed or seen. As if she wanted to fade away from the noise and retreat in to herself where there was safety. For most boys in the 8th grade, she was probably easy to over look. She would rarely speak, let alone flirt or draw attention to herself but for the weird fellow that I was, and still am, her efforts at permeating in to the background failed her. Her beauty was undeniable to me. Some mornings I could not help but watch her eyes reaching out of the bus windows at cornfields and the passing barns (we live in the country :). I'd watch her eyes squint and sharpen and I wanted so badly to ask her what she was listening to. It had to be as equally sad, as equally beautiful as she was, I had convinced myself. I finally managed the courage to ask her one morning, after months of admiring her from what might as well have been miles away, from my seat on the bus. She quietly gave me the name of the band whose music I had seen play out on her face and in her eyes all those mornings leading up that moment. Now, I'm not a religious person or a disciple of fate, at all, and quite honestly, there's not too awful much that I do believe in completely besides love and instincts, but nothing blows my mind more severely than coincidence. The band name she gave was a band that I had been obsessed with for months! And even to this day I've not discovered an album that I loved as much as that very album that she herself was listening to. It still kills me to think about it even today because this wasnt top 40 garbage, this was an obscure underground band, making the level of the coincident that much deeper.
Considering our ages at the time, we were too young to really know what to do with the connection that would develope between us over the next year. I think we both sensed in our chemistry something much stronger than we, at the time, were mature enough to nurture and allow to grow to its potential. We did try, however. We officially dated for the first time at the end of her freshman year. That entire summer was filled with midnight swims in the creek, long walks down the country roads that weaved the 4 miles or so between our houses and seemingly endless hours in front of the computer listening to music where we would sit with lyrics and highlight our favorite lines and discuss the possible meanings. She broke it off with me before school started back and it hurt me badly. She was definitely my first love and the pain was maddening because I knew that she loved me as well and hadnt loved another as deeply as she had me. So then why did she leave me? Looking back now I realize that her decision was the best that either of us could have made. We still talk about it today with smiles on our faces.
I also need to add that during the summer before my freshman year of highschool I had lost my virginity in a very uncomfortable and scary fashion. I was dating a girl who was two years older than myself. We had been together for about a month. She was very touchy feely and was always wanting to makeout. Even if my parents were around she would try to makeout. I didnt realize it at the time but she was more than likely turned on by the "risk" of getting "caught." All of this was fine by me, I mean other than the parent thing nothing made me feel uncomfortable. Around the two month period she invited me over to her house to swim. Me and a buddy of mine leave and go over to her house and she has a friend there. She leads us to the basement and she leads me one way and her friend leads my friend the other way. I remember my heart pounding. I wasnt sure what her intentions were but I knew I did not want to have sex. I was terrified by the idea. Back then, every time I entertained the idea in a serious manner all I would see was a pregnant belly or hearing an imaginary voice saying through tears "I haven't had my period yet" or "I wanted to wait until I knew for sure, but, I'm pregnant." Maybe that's weird but I was pretty young and it really did terrify me. But she ended up pushing me back onto some milk crates and she gets on top of me. She starts the kissing and it goes on for a good while, so long I remember thinking "Ok, maybe she isn't going to try anything." But it was as if she sensed my relief and she reached in to my swimming shorts and started touching me. I told her in several different ways to stop but upon hearing each protest she would get more and more sexual with what she was doing. Then, within a flash, she was on top of me. She went back and forth a few times and, of course I was about to get off so I pushed her off of me. To make this long rabbit trail short I'll sum the rest up... she was crazy. My worst fears played out over the next month. Having broken it off with her shortly after that she called me out of the blue and said that she was pregnant. I didnt eat anything for days and the fear shadowed every thought. Eventually my mother, with her motherly instincts (along with the fact that she was probably uncomfortable with our relationship all along) helped me confess. My mom is a fiery woman and right away she knew that all of this was about control. She calmly stood up, grabbed the phone and called this girl up and within minutes had her crying and confessing that she just didnt want to lose me! Mommas are great. I don't know if all of this will help with what I'm seeking here but I figured any insight couldnt possibly hurt things.
So having been through all of that with my "first" you'd think that sex would have been the last thing on my to-do list. Nope. Although there is over a year between my first and second, things took off after number two. So yes, I'll admit it, in high school I did sleep around but it was always with someone I was dating and I never even slightly tried to force something to happen that wasnt happening naturally. I guess because I knew first hand what that felt like.
Anyways, to carry on...
My wife and I ended up dating a couple of more times while we were in high school. By the second time we had dated she had lost her virginity to a guy she had dated for quite sometime. I knew this and it didnt bother me. How could I allow it to? During the second and third time we dated there were many heated makeout sessions. I remember one in particular where I had walked all the way to her house during the summer while her mom was at work. We kissed and kissed and kissed and at some point we ended up on the floor with her on top of me. She had THE LOOK on her face. Everything in my being wanted her. I wanted her more than I had ever wanted any girl or anything. I kissed her for a little while longer and told her that I had to get home before my parents got off work. She didnt seem hurt by this. But I could tell that there was some disappointment behind her eyes. When I think about it now I know why I didnt go through with it. With every other girl, sure I cared about them, even loved a few. But with my would-be-wife, I didnt want to share that with her unless I knew we were ready for the long haul and although we were older by this point, I knew we both still had a lot of growing and maturing to do. I didnt want it to be childish. I wanted us both to have the full capacity to appreciate that act and for it to mean as much as possible.
Eventually, for the same reasons as before, she broke it off each time we dated and it hurt more than the last each time. After the third time, I hadnt given up on the idea of our chemistry and the potential and compatibility of us, but I was tired of being dumped.
We both got involved in lengthy relationships that extended past graduation. I found myself single before her relationship ended. I had been with a very insecure and controlling girl for over two years and we had made each other miserable the entire time we were together. We would go through each others phones and so on and so on. It was torture and when I finally managed to break up with her I found myself in a dark place and started drinking heavily. That lasted for a while. Then one day I went in to wal mart to buy some lava soap to take hiking with me to a secluded lake back in the woods where I liked to bathe during the summer (like I said, I have my weirdness) And guess who was there to take my money? Yep, my would-be-wife. We small talked for a minute and she smiled when I told her of my plans and I felt a breeze drift over that old spark. She told me she was still with her boyfriend but I could tell that she wasnt happy. I told myself I would help her find happiness :)
While staying in touch but remaining respectful of their existing relationship, eventually my patience paid off and they finally broke it off. We spent a great deal of time together for the next few weeks but my happiness was short-lived. She told me that she needed to go to a bordering state for a while and stay with her dad. YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. I didn't beg her but I came mighty close. When she made it clear that it was something that had to be done I backed off. What good would continuing the pleading do me. If she had something that needed taken care of it would always need taken care of until it was taken care of. Despite my optimism, I couldn't help but feeling like that kid in high school who kept getting dumped because his girlfriend just loved him too much.
We talked while she was gone but not as much as you might expect. Part of me felt like she needed space and part of me was afraid of what it was exactly that needed taken care of.
So I waited and drank beer and drank beer and waited and finally we began talking more frequently and finally she said she was coming back and coming back to be mine, and although she didnt say it I knew it finally meant once and for all.
She moved back and we got happily married and everything was how I had always imagined it would be.
So that's the background story. I wanted all of you who have the patience to read all of this to somewhat know us. I know it's long but it is hard to give good advice when you only know very little about things like this.
So here is the first bomb that was dropped...
One day we were out driving the back roads. My wife likes to take pictures of deer and any old barns that we may run across. I noticed she seemed "off." She hadnt even taken her camera from its bag.
I pulled down a dead end road and I shut off the car and got out to stretch my legs. When I turned around I saw her on the hood of the car biting her thumbnail. Her hands were mildly shaking. I walked over to her and asked her what was wrong.
She tells me she needs to talk to me...
Uh-oh I think.
She nervously tells me the story of what happened in the bordering state...
She pretty much broke down. She told me that once she got there and got settled that she starting smoking weed again and whenever she wasnt at work she was high. She tells me that she ended up kind of dating a guy (the guy who was selling her the weed). She insisted that it wasn't "official" but that they spent alot of time together and that they would kiss every now and then and really just hung out a lot. Ok, so I know what you're thinking "this is a bisexual site, what's this all about?"
Well then she tells me that at about 2/3s of the way through their "relationship" if that's what you want to call it, she found out that this guy was actually a girl. I was very comforting and kind to her but I did find it hard to believe. I mean, I felt that it would have been nearly impossible not to know such a thing. I asked her what happened after she found out that the person she was involved with was a girl and she told me that they still hung out but that it really grossed her out and everything ended shortly after. She said that she ended up dating one other person while she was there who was a guy and that nothing sexual happened between them. She said that she felt that she did it to feel normal because this guy wasnt really her type. That made sense to me.
I guess I'll start with the background of our romantic little story. This is going to be long by the way. Very long.
I've known my wife since she was in the 7th grade and I in the 8th. I can still remember the first time we talked on the dark bus ride to the middle school. She was, and still is, the quiet type. She would get onto the school bus every morning and slide as close to the window as possible and she'd put her bookbag in the seat next to her so that no one could sit beside her. For the rest of the ride she would stare out of the window with her headphones on. It was as if she didn't want to be noticed or seen. As if she wanted to fade away from the noise and retreat in to herself where there was safety. For most boys in the 8th grade, she was probably easy to over look. She would rarely speak, let alone flirt or draw attention to herself but for the weird fellow that I was, and still am, her efforts at permeating in to the background failed her. Her beauty was undeniable to me. Some mornings I could not help but watch her eyes reaching out of the bus windows at cornfields and the passing barns (we live in the country :). I'd watch her eyes squint and sharpen and I wanted so badly to ask her what she was listening to. It had to be as equally sad, as equally beautiful as she was, I had convinced myself. I finally managed the courage to ask her one morning, after months of admiring her from what might as well have been miles away, from my seat on the bus. She quietly gave me the name of the band whose music I had seen play out on her face and in her eyes all those mornings leading up that moment. Now, I'm not a religious person or a disciple of fate, at all, and quite honestly, there's not too awful much that I do believe in completely besides love and instincts, but nothing blows my mind more severely than coincidence. The band name she gave was a band that I had been obsessed with for months! And even to this day I've not discovered an album that I loved as much as that very album that she herself was listening to. It still kills me to think about it even today because this wasnt top 40 garbage, this was an obscure underground band, making the level of the coincident that much deeper.
Considering our ages at the time, we were too young to really know what to do with the connection that would develope between us over the next year. I think we both sensed in our chemistry something much stronger than we, at the time, were mature enough to nurture and allow to grow to its potential. We did try, however. We officially dated for the first time at the end of her freshman year. That entire summer was filled with midnight swims in the creek, long walks down the country roads that weaved the 4 miles or so between our houses and seemingly endless hours in front of the computer listening to music where we would sit with lyrics and highlight our favorite lines and discuss the possible meanings. She broke it off with me before school started back and it hurt me badly. She was definitely my first love and the pain was maddening because I knew that she loved me as well and hadnt loved another as deeply as she had me. So then why did she leave me? Looking back now I realize that her decision was the best that either of us could have made. We still talk about it today with smiles on our faces.
I also need to add that during the summer before my freshman year of highschool I had lost my virginity in a very uncomfortable and scary fashion. I was dating a girl who was two years older than myself. We had been together for about a month. She was very touchy feely and was always wanting to makeout. Even if my parents were around she would try to makeout. I didnt realize it at the time but she was more than likely turned on by the "risk" of getting "caught." All of this was fine by me, I mean other than the parent thing nothing made me feel uncomfortable. Around the two month period she invited me over to her house to swim. Me and a buddy of mine leave and go over to her house and she has a friend there. She leads us to the basement and she leads me one way and her friend leads my friend the other way. I remember my heart pounding. I wasnt sure what her intentions were but I knew I did not want to have sex. I was terrified by the idea. Back then, every time I entertained the idea in a serious manner all I would see was a pregnant belly or hearing an imaginary voice saying through tears "I haven't had my period yet" or "I wanted to wait until I knew for sure, but, I'm pregnant." Maybe that's weird but I was pretty young and it really did terrify me. But she ended up pushing me back onto some milk crates and she gets on top of me. She starts the kissing and it goes on for a good while, so long I remember thinking "Ok, maybe she isn't going to try anything." But it was as if she sensed my relief and she reached in to my swimming shorts and started touching me. I told her in several different ways to stop but upon hearing each protest she would get more and more sexual with what she was doing. Then, within a flash, she was on top of me. She went back and forth a few times and, of course I was about to get off so I pushed her off of me. To make this long rabbit trail short I'll sum the rest up... she was crazy. My worst fears played out over the next month. Having broken it off with her shortly after that she called me out of the blue and said that she was pregnant. I didnt eat anything for days and the fear shadowed every thought. Eventually my mother, with her motherly instincts (along with the fact that she was probably uncomfortable with our relationship all along) helped me confess. My mom is a fiery woman and right away she knew that all of this was about control. She calmly stood up, grabbed the phone and called this girl up and within minutes had her crying and confessing that she just didnt want to lose me! Mommas are great. I don't know if all of this will help with what I'm seeking here but I figured any insight couldnt possibly hurt things.
So having been through all of that with my "first" you'd think that sex would have been the last thing on my to-do list. Nope. Although there is over a year between my first and second, things took off after number two. So yes, I'll admit it, in high school I did sleep around but it was always with someone I was dating and I never even slightly tried to force something to happen that wasnt happening naturally. I guess because I knew first hand what that felt like.
Anyways, to carry on...
My wife and I ended up dating a couple of more times while we were in high school. By the second time we had dated she had lost her virginity to a guy she had dated for quite sometime. I knew this and it didnt bother me. How could I allow it to? During the second and third time we dated there were many heated makeout sessions. I remember one in particular where I had walked all the way to her house during the summer while her mom was at work. We kissed and kissed and kissed and at some point we ended up on the floor with her on top of me. She had THE LOOK on her face. Everything in my being wanted her. I wanted her more than I had ever wanted any girl or anything. I kissed her for a little while longer and told her that I had to get home before my parents got off work. She didnt seem hurt by this. But I could tell that there was some disappointment behind her eyes. When I think about it now I know why I didnt go through with it. With every other girl, sure I cared about them, even loved a few. But with my would-be-wife, I didnt want to share that with her unless I knew we were ready for the long haul and although we were older by this point, I knew we both still had a lot of growing and maturing to do. I didnt want it to be childish. I wanted us both to have the full capacity to appreciate that act and for it to mean as much as possible.
Eventually, for the same reasons as before, she broke it off each time we dated and it hurt more than the last each time. After the third time, I hadnt given up on the idea of our chemistry and the potential and compatibility of us, but I was tired of being dumped.
We both got involved in lengthy relationships that extended past graduation. I found myself single before her relationship ended. I had been with a very insecure and controlling girl for over two years and we had made each other miserable the entire time we were together. We would go through each others phones and so on and so on. It was torture and when I finally managed to break up with her I found myself in a dark place and started drinking heavily. That lasted for a while. Then one day I went in to wal mart to buy some lava soap to take hiking with me to a secluded lake back in the woods where I liked to bathe during the summer (like I said, I have my weirdness) And guess who was there to take my money? Yep, my would-be-wife. We small talked for a minute and she smiled when I told her of my plans and I felt a breeze drift over that old spark. She told me she was still with her boyfriend but I could tell that she wasnt happy. I told myself I would help her find happiness :)
While staying in touch but remaining respectful of their existing relationship, eventually my patience paid off and they finally broke it off. We spent a great deal of time together for the next few weeks but my happiness was short-lived. She told me that she needed to go to a bordering state for a while and stay with her dad. YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. I didn't beg her but I came mighty close. When she made it clear that it was something that had to be done I backed off. What good would continuing the pleading do me. If she had something that needed taken care of it would always need taken care of until it was taken care of. Despite my optimism, I couldn't help but feeling like that kid in high school who kept getting dumped because his girlfriend just loved him too much.
We talked while she was gone but not as much as you might expect. Part of me felt like she needed space and part of me was afraid of what it was exactly that needed taken care of.
So I waited and drank beer and drank beer and waited and finally we began talking more frequently and finally she said she was coming back and coming back to be mine, and although she didnt say it I knew it finally meant once and for all.
She moved back and we got happily married and everything was how I had always imagined it would be.
So that's the background story. I wanted all of you who have the patience to read all of this to somewhat know us. I know it's long but it is hard to give good advice when you only know very little about things like this.
So here is the first bomb that was dropped...
One day we were out driving the back roads. My wife likes to take pictures of deer and any old barns that we may run across. I noticed she seemed "off." She hadnt even taken her camera from its bag.
I pulled down a dead end road and I shut off the car and got out to stretch my legs. When I turned around I saw her on the hood of the car biting her thumbnail. Her hands were mildly shaking. I walked over to her and asked her what was wrong.
She tells me she needs to talk to me...
Uh-oh I think.
She nervously tells me the story of what happened in the bordering state...
She pretty much broke down. She told me that once she got there and got settled that she starting smoking weed again and whenever she wasnt at work she was high. She tells me that she ended up kind of dating a guy (the guy who was selling her the weed). She insisted that it wasn't "official" but that they spent alot of time together and that they would kiss every now and then and really just hung out a lot. Ok, so I know what you're thinking "this is a bisexual site, what's this all about?"
Well then she tells me that at about 2/3s of the way through their "relationship" if that's what you want to call it, she found out that this guy was actually a girl. I was very comforting and kind to her but I did find it hard to believe. I mean, I felt that it would have been nearly impossible not to know such a thing. I asked her what happened after she found out that the person she was involved with was a girl and she told me that they still hung out but that it really grossed her out and everything ended shortly after. She said that she ended up dating one other person while she was there who was a guy and that nothing sexual happened between them. She said that she felt that she did it to feel normal because this guy wasnt really her type. That made sense to me.