New guy with questions

[lickitall]

Hi all, I just found this site and think it looks great. I have becoming more and more "curious" in the last year. I love my wife and life and sex with her is wonderful. So, what am I to do? I feel that you only live once, and I would like to try everything at least once. Thoughts of doing things with a man turn me on/intrigue me. I would like to build a friendship with a guy that would experiment with me. Now, if I end up not liking it, then what? I don't want to tell the wife for that reason.
But, I don't know what is right. I can't even find a guy yet...most I have found on line just want to add another notch so to speak.
I just feel like I have to at least try and experience sex with another guy.
Sorry this is all choppy, but I just throwing out thoughts.
Any advice and friendship from either sex would be wonderful.

[12voltman59]

Hi all, I just found this site and think it looks great. I have becoming more and more "curious" in the last year. I love my wife and life and sex with her is wonderful. So, what am I to do? I feel that you only live once, and I would like to try everything at least once. Thoughts of doing things with a man turn me on/intrigue me. I would like to build a friendship with a guy that would experiment with me. Now, if I end up not liking it, then what? I don't want to tell the wife for that reason.
But, I don't know what is right. I can't even find a guy yet...most I have found on line just want to add another notch so to speak.
I just feel like I have to at least try and experience sex with another guy.
Sorry this is all choppy, but I just throwing out thoughts.
Any advice and friendship from either sex would be wonderful.

All of your feelings and such are all things that many if not most of the folks on here have experienced or felt themselves to one degree or another--you have found a good place to help you find answers to those questions--
Welcome to the site and hope you enjoy it here and do find some of the answers to your questions----I dare say that while at other "bisexually" oriented web sites--you will find some hot hookups--at this one--you will find a community--some friends and more if you want to--and if you decide to do nothing other than to talk to people about this here--then that is just fine as well--

Welcome---

[lickitall]

Thanks for the welcome. The other sites just seem to frighten me as the guys are very experienced and pushy. Here seems very calm and "welcoming" so I think I'll stay a while :)

[centralpaguy]

While I dont advocate cheating in ANY form you really need to decide IF this is something you want to try. If it is you need to discuss the desires with your sig other. Think about if she found out the "hard" way HER issues of being woman enough and any insecurities she has had her whole life will come to the surface. That conversation is not an easy one to have I know but start dropping suttle hints and see what her reactions are. ie., Yeah hun I was talking to a guy (me so its not a lie) and he said his girlfriend was watching a strapon video and wanted to try it on him. It will give you idea of what her inital feelings are. Ask her to finger you during oral becasue you heard it felt good( once again I am telling you it feels good-not a lie) see where it progresses form there. Is she bi? how does she feel about it?

As far as finding someone you are right a LOT (not all) are looking for notches but take your time. Hell if you were closer it is fishing season....

Good luck and those are just my thought and opinions.

[lickitall]

Thanks centralpa~~ She has fingered me a few times in our 7 years. I know it feels great and she certainly "heard and felt" that I liked it. I had mentioned then, that if she wanted to do me with a strap -on I would be for it. She just said no..no explanation, just no.
I intend to start asking her for more anal play to see what comes up...lol
She is not bi but had tried a threesome with a couple she knew before we met.

[biwords]

I'll pass on some advice that I received from my gay cousin (haven't yet taken the advice and may not do so, but I thought it at least worth considering): Go to a bathhouse, being careful to do only what you want to do with all reasonable safety precautions. That will at least tell you a little about what you like or don't like. If you conclude 'well, tried it and it's not for me', then you probably won't ever have to trouble your wife about it. If you decide that it was good enough to warrant further exploration, then a discussion with her is in most ways preferable to further cheating. Again, there are things to be said both for and against this approach, but I felt I should throw it into the hopper here...

[lickitall]

Interesting idea. never been to a bath house. there is one in the area that I heard about on a male hook-up site. Sounds like a lot goes on there.

[Tommy2020]

out of context: Go to a bathhouse, being careful to do only what you want to do with all reasonable safety precautions. That will at least tell you a little about what you like or don't like. out of context:

I once knew a guy who did just that very thing. He walked into his boss in the steam room (or so he said) and claimed that was the reason he got a raise. Wish I had known about that steam room. Me and a few other work buddies would've gone there looking for a raise.

:wiggle2: <--- Tommy2020 looking for raise thru the fog....

Tommy2020

[welickit]

In our minds, if you can't talk to your wife openly then you shouldn't be married. For better or for worse doesn't include hidden secrets. She is your partner and we would hope she will be there for you through all kinds of weather. If she isn't, then she shouldn't be married.

[billy_campbell]

The web is great place for trying out things like chatting with another guy, even having cybersex with another guy, and doing on cam with another guy. That's all safe and if you find that uncomfortable then most likely you will find being with another man in person uncomfortable.

Talk with your wife, if she has fingered you then she is most likely pretty understand. I didn't talk to my wife when we were married but then 15 years later I told her I had desires when we were married. It was a real turn on for her. She said she always wanted to see two guys together. So now we do 3somes MMF.

[lickitall]

Thanks to all who have responded so far.
One comment I have though, is that each and every one of us has at one time or another seen someone of the opposite sex and thought, "boy I would love to have sex with her."
Did you go tell your wife each time? No.
So please do not judge me for not wanting to say "hey honey, I think I want to have sex with a guy"....when I have experienced anything yet.

[lickitall]

Still wanting others ideas/thoughts?
How else have any of you arranged you first???

[chrisgp]

Lickitall,
I am in a similar(ish) boat to you, apart from having tried it once.

I am married and she is not aware of my bi side. I have not told her and probably wont, for a number of reasons. I have dropped hints about things but had a firm no.

I have had thoughst a feelings about men (especially some good looking ones) for a while and just ignored them. I thought i was daft, but I started to think more about the feelings, looked on web, etc. and yes you are right there are quite a few "experienced" men who just want a quick shag. I think I had the courage to go through with a meet with a guy.
I however did like the sex I had with a man, I know I have lots to learn about and to do, but i did like it very much.

You wont know until you,ve tried it and I think biwords idea is excellent, but I would emphasise safe - you just don't know who is out there and how Scrupulous they are.
Chris

[lickitall]

Thanks Chris!! Glad to hear you enjoyed yourself.
I don't know how to get up the nerve to "just go for it" but I'm sure I will know in due time.

[kingofthejunglists]

Hi all, I just found this site and think it looks great. I have becoming more and more "curious" in the last year. I love my wife and life and sex with her is wonderful. So, what am I to do? I feel that you only live once, and I would like to try everything at least once. Thoughts of doing things with a man turn me on/intrigue me. I would like to build a friendship with a guy that would experiment with me. Now, if I end up not liking it, then what? I don't want to tell the wife for that reason.
But, I don't know what is right. I can't even find a guy yet...most I have found on line just want to add another notch so to speak.
I just feel like I have to at least try and experience sex with another guy.
Sorry this is all choppy, but I just throwing out thoughts.
Any advice and friendship from either sex would be wonderful.
Well, I can't speak for everyone else, but the fact that you just have a bunch of pics of your naked body makes me not want to be friends with you. And you complain about guys who want just "another notch," but it would seem to me you're just as vapid as them. Correct me if I'm wrong.

[lickitall]

I do believe you are wrong.
I am new to this whole thing and was simply going on what I have seen.
This is not easy for "newbies" mentally or emotionally.
Please excuse me and thank you for the warm welcome.
I'm glad your life is perfect.

P.S. with the way you just critisized me upon first meeting...trust me, I am not a friend of yours.

[Herbwoman39]

King can be a bit abrasive in giving his opinion. Don't let him get to you. Most everyone else makes up for the one or two abrupt folks.

Please understand that what I am about to say is in no way a criticism. It is merely an observation from my perspective. You mentioned before that your wife said "no" to the strap-on without so much as a by-your-leave. Perhaps the suggestion simply scared her. It can be very difficult for women to take on more of a "male" aspect in a relationship or switch gender roles if it is something that she has never explored before.

[billy_campbell]

....You mentioned before that your wife said "no" to the strap-on without so much as a by-your-leave. Perhaps the suggestion simply scared her. It can be very difficult for women to take on more of a "male" aspect in a relationship or switch gender roles if it is something that she has never explored before.

I agree with Herbwoman I have chatted with several wives who came in here to talk about what it is like to have a bi husband. At first it freaked them out but after talking with others in here they changed their minds. Couple even when and bought strapons to do their husbands.

[lickitall]

Thank you Herbwoman and billy. I really appreciate your thoughts. I never even thought of her being a bit frightened or taken aback by it. Hmmmm..

I have however, thought through having that ecperience and then probaly wanting the "real thing". To me it all seems a part of the natural progression of self and sexual exploration.

[guycurious]

I was in your situation about a year ago, full of secret wishes/desires. This went on for a long time. Finally I could not bear the weight of the guilt any longer.

Now, I had been dropping hints for a long time and I just figured my wife was either not picking up on them or afraid to.

We had gone to a wedding and during the course of the evening she leans over and tells me she has a surprise for me. She had arranged for our babysitter to stay the night and my wife had rented a hotel room for us. So after spending some time in the hottub that was in the room we climbed into bed. I looked her in the eyes and said, " I have a confession to make." She pulled back w/ this look of fear in her eyes. She thought I was going to tell her I had been unfaitful (which kinda' pissed me off). I said, "I am bisexual. I have curiousities about being w/ men in a sexual manner." She just smiled and said, "I already know. I was just waiting for you to tell me."

She had been picking up on the hints all along. She did not take this revelation as a threat to our relationship. She knows I value her above all else.

With the weight of this off my shoulders I could once again breathe easy. No longer would I have to hide the websites I had been visiting (like this one).

We took our time with this new discovery. We have had two interactions of a bisexual nature. One w/ a bi male and recently w/ a bi couple. Both wives had fun w/ each other. All had a great time and we now consider this couple to be our friends (w/ benefits :)

Yes I was scared telling her but I had to. I felt a was being dishonest now sharing this side of me w/ her.

Anyway, I will hop down from my soap box. My advice, if you married your wife because you love her and she married you for the same reason then you need to tell her. Reassure her that your relationship is not in jeopardy. You just have curiousities. It's human nature to be curious. But you know your wife better than any of us.

Good luck and keep us posted.......

One more thing. Do NOT visit a bath house to have sex w/ someone. To me this is cheating. Doesn't matter if it's w/ a male or female you would still be cheating. How would your wife feel if she found out about it ? Could you live w/ the guilt ?

[biwords]

In our minds, if you can't talk to your wife openly then you shouldn't be married. For better or for worse doesn't include hidden secrets. She is your partner and we would hope she will be there for you through all kinds of weather. If she isn't, then she shouldn't be married.

Welllllllll.......

Of course honesty is important and for most people, putting things on an honest footing as soon as reasonably possible is a good move. That said, life is complex, no two couples are the same, and the timing of the revelation should be considered closely. With respect, I don't find it helpful or compassionate to say that if you can't spill all immediately 'you shouldn't be married'.

[lickitall]

guycurious~~~Thank you for sharing and all your advise. So nice to hear that these things can and do turn out good sometimes.

biwords~~Thank you for understanding. I agree that all couples are different. And that all people change, expand their horizons, and grow at different rates.

I have discussed bisexual encounters with my wife. She is like "most" people of today, although not for her, she is Ok with watching FF porn, however MM is porn or the discussion of MM affection in any way is absolutely revolting to her. Therefore, I am not/will not tell her of my interests. Especially since I have not even approached taking it from fantasy to a reality. I am just trying to understand this first, then I'll take it further if necessary. Also, as she grows and matures emotionally and we expand sexually things may change. Hell, I've been divorced once...I hope for, but never rely on forever.