What am I trying to pull?

[mikey3000]

Do poly relationships really work? I just finished a crazy week and I'm physically and emptionally drained. My guy and his male partner came up to spend Pride week with me and my wife (and my kids, very important for him to meet my kids). All went really well. Much better then I ever expected, and of course, I'm more confused then ever now. Everybody is getting cozy with every body, literally. I think I'm way over my head with this poly relationship. I don't know how it ever got this far (going on for almost a year now). This is not what I originally set out for when I discovered my bisexuality. It was supposed to be a journey for me, of self discovery for me, yet it seems everyone is comming along for the ride. Go figure cause I can't, yet I feel that I can't stop this even if I tried. Oh man!!! What the hell happened? Any one?:eek:

[DuckiesDarling]

I don't think you are trying to pull anything, Mikey. Just seems things are snowballing a lot faster than you ever intended. Communicate with your wife and your male partner and slow things down if you need to. Have fun and hugs.

[BI BOYTOY]

yes ploy relastionships work everybody has to keep the cumunication open.and talk.things do have a tendancy to speed up, just keep an open mind sounds like you are getting lucky, go with it. see what happens.:bigrin: shawn,, give us an updated to please?

[kinsey4]

Sounds like a lot of work.

I think you need to start making some unreasonable demands, throwing some tantrums and imposing some asymmetrical boundaries, and then keeping them only inconsistently yourself. That'll make things a LOT simpler :)

D

[darkeyes]

Do poly relationships really work? I just finished a crazy week and I'm physically and emptionally drained. My guy and his male partner came up to spend Pride week with me and my wife (and my kids, very important for him to meet my kids). All went really well. Much better then I ever expected, and of course, I'm more confused then ever now. Everybody is getting cozy with every body, literally. I think I'm way over my head with this poly relationship. I don't know how it ever got this far (going on for almost a year now). This is not what I originally set out for when I discovered my bisexuality. It was supposed to be a journey for me, of self discovery for me, yet it seems everyone is comming along for the ride. Go figure cause I can't, yet I feel that I can't stop this even if I tried. Oh man!!! What the hell happened? Any one?:eek:

Thing bout ne journey Mikey is ya nev kno quite how its gonna pan out.. evry lil trip 2 supermarket can b an adventure or a trial an ya kno wot goin on ya hols can b like:tong:... in ur case it seems ur journey a self discovery is bein shared by othas on ther own.. by goin down the road ya hav, ya hav invited others 2 begin thers by definition... thats the trubble wiv us humans... we nev quite kno how we will react 2 ne given situation an how othas will react 2 the things we do.. is gud that peeps r gettin cosy.. wud b much worse if they wer doin quite the oppsite..:)

[kitten]

This was supposed to be about you. Yes, but there are others with emotions and desires and wants and needs in the situation. If this was supposed to be only about you, then in my opinion the others involved would be withholding in the relationships. Yes, relationship*s*. Each person has a connection with each other person.
Communicate loud and clear but with kindness and care what you want and need. But understand that partners may want/need to do the same.
Give yourself a big hug, give your partner(s) big hugs and talk it out.
Please let us know how you're doing!

kitten

[Realist]

Not sure about how you feel, here, but if you're a little over your head, maybe you should share your thoughts with the others. From what little I know, things seem fairly smooth. They certainly seem to be OK with how the relationship is going....they keep coming back!

I was in a poly relationship with a married couple, when I was in the military. Some things happened that I didn't anticipate, but I learned to accept them. The big picture was one of pleasure and mutual interests, so it was easy to adapt.

One big factor in our success was, we could communicate and were empathetic of each person's needs. None of us did anything that we knew was not comfortable for the other, but, if something occurred that was unsavory, we'd discuss it and modify our behavior.

Another relation ship with two girls was just as successful, because of empathy, open communication, and mutual interests.

Failures with other attempts at poly relationships failed because of the lack of mutual interests, desires, and jealousy. I don't see any of that in your relationship......from what I've read.

I have to laugh at something a lady told me, years ago. She said, "We're having such fun and the pleasure is unworldly...something MUST be wrong!"

Hang in there Mikey!

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Mikey-honey, when you are in a committed relationship it concerns Both of you. I know this was originally intended just for You to find some fun and pleasures, but at least you arent/werent having to slip around and be secretive about it. Everything is out in the open and thats a grand thing. If things are getting a little bigger than you intended, then take a step back and look at it and decide to tone it down a bit, or revise the game-plan. Less complicate things if its snow balling. Make it easier on yourself, Darlin. Breathe, access, then act. :}
Take care and let us know how things progress.
Hugzz
Cat

[Pasadenacpl2]

It sounds to me like you are dealing with some unintended consequences. I am dealing with them as well. The thing we have to realize, Mikey, is that when we say 'we should have an open relationship' (or poly, call it what you will) that means that our partner(s) might develop relationships that we had no part in, or might desire to go in directions that we did not intend. And that causes us to panic a bit.

"When did I suddenly lose my position as captain of this boat?" "At what point did this no longer center around me and my needs and my journey?" "What about me?"

Remember that as you are taking this journey, so is your wife, and partner. And understand that at the beginning of this journey, it was all about you, and they felt many of these same things you are feeling now. But, they were focused on you, so they dealt with it, perhaps even happily. Be joyful in their journey. Help them along the way. Remember that compersion is a two way street.

I hope this helps. At this moment, my wife is out on a date and I'm dealing with feelings of jealousy and struggling with these unintended consequences. I know, though, that my marriage will be stronger for it in the end.

Feral

[Bi_Druid]

Yes, they can work.

I'm in an Open/poly relationship myself, and me and my 'primary' (for want of a less hierarchy-themed term) have been going out for over two years now and things are still looking set to continue well for us.
I've a very good friend, who is also bisexual, who has several partners and some of her partners also have other partners. She's found herself in something of a "poly molecule".
Myself and my partner have so far only ever been in "poly hinges" (me and him and him with someone else at the same time), which is just how things have happened to pan out for us.

Communication, as with any form of relationship, is very important!

If you're feeling a little swamped or swept up and away with the situation, talk to your partner(s) about it. You can make it work if that's what you really want. I've found (insofar) it shouldn't really be any harder than monogamy, just different.

[void()]

Sounds like a lot of work.

I think you need to start making some unreasonable demands, throwing some tantrums and imposing some asymmetrical boundaries, and then keeping them only inconsistently yourself. That'll make things a LOT simpler :)

D

*ROLMFAO!!!!*

Void cues the Mortal Kombat soundtrack, "Excellent!"

Sorry Mikey. *bows and vanishes*

[mikey3000]

When things first got going, I think that my guy (I'll call A)'s partner (I'll call B) originally thought that I was just a play thing, something for their amusement. But when A disclosed to B his feelings for me and how they've grown, B started to get nervous. And conversely, as I declared my feelings of A to my wife, after the initial shock, she is now totally on board, and she and A are growing much closer too. And I'm totally ok with it too.

What freaked me out was A wanting to meet my children. And he met my mom too!!! Holy cow!!! And all went great. Now we are planning a family vacation down to A's place in the next few weeks and it'll be interesting to see what happens there as B will not be there. Oh boy!!!:eek: I just have to remember to breathe.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

lol It'll be fine, Mikey-honey. It all sounds/feels a bit daunting, but I'm betting you'll have a fantastic time. :} Just relax and let yourself have fun.
Big hugs Darlin.
Cat

[kinsey4]

"... as I declared my feelings of A to my wife, after the initial shock, she is now totally on board, and she and A are growing much closer too. And I'm totally ok with it too. What freaked me out was A wanting to meet my children. And he met my mom too!!! Holy cow!!! And all went great. Now we are planning a family vacation down to A's place in the next few weeks ..."

Wow. I'm totally envious :) Good luck!!

[ironwood]

First of you are a lucky man.You are having what some men (and women dream off).You say at first it was all about you.Kind of selfish.Did you ever consider anyone else's feeling and desire's.Take a step back and look at the hole situation and consider what you have and others gave up for you (Meaning your wife).I sjust nmy 2 cents but good luck in your out come with all of this and i am just giving you another way to look at it.

[mikey3000]

Thanks everyone for your support. It's just a new experience for us and I get cold feet some times. Believe me I know how lucky I am, and I give thanks every night before I sleep. I really do.

But Ironwood, why am I being selfish? Haven't you ever wanted something just for you? To do something on your own just for you? I see a person's sexuality as a very personal thing, and discovering it for one self shouldn't necessarily be a team sport. Everyone has their own methods of discovery, and not one is suitable for all. :2cents:

Cheers!

[citystyleguy]

...well life just walked in, as untidy as it often is, and knocked you on your hiney!

...you sound very excited, overwhelmed, hesitant, and every other appropriate adjective; slip off somewhere quiet, take a few very deep breaths, practice some cardio, definitely throw in some yoga, and then get down on your knees and give thanks! (...which i know you are!). may every one here have this situation bowl them over! :three:

oh, and i am very happy for you!:bigrin:

[mikey3000]

Thanks man. I really am grateful, just a tad overwhelmed. I never thought in a million years that this would be my life. Wow how things have changed in just a year.

Yoga, eh? Hmmmm. Thanks for the tip.:bigrin:

[BI BOYTOY]

hey mikey, im happy for you and your family have fun,.:bigrin::bipride::three:

[BI BOYTOY]

and maybe a little enviouse to shit i cant spell for nothing,, good luck to you all in your journey:bigrin:

[kitten]

Best wishes to you and your experiences!
Hugs,
Kitten

[mikey3000]

Thanks everyone. It's quite a journey, but I am going to take it slow and see where all this goes.
:bibounce:

[wrzwldo69]

i got as far as A meeting your mom !
best of luck
last weekend i went to the east indian festival in redmond and there had a look at the Vedic world view - basically we incarnate at the level of consciousness we die
sounds like you are on a personal level of development and i am sure that if you pursue it with integrity all will turn out for the best - regardless of cultural expectations
so why do we engage in these experiences, if per the Vedic concept best if we engage fully and honestly

[Bi_Druid]

OK, from the sounds of it all I can say is WELL DONE!

Things seem to be going swimmingly for you.